Yes, you read that right. "Levels of Love", though it's more like types of love.
In case you didn't know, the Greeks had three different words for the English "love"; makes English sound like a boring language doesn't it? These are eros, filia, and agape.
EROS
You've probably heard of Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of passionate love which borders on lust. That is eros, a love that is passionate and when taken to extremes, becomes lustful selfishness. That's one of the types of love, the love between a couple. They desire each other, not just carnally! They want everything of the other person and the other person wants everything of the partner. It is amazing and dangerous when not controlled. If one were to pin-point it to a certain aspect of life, it would probably be best described as the love that drives sexual desire. I've never experienced this type of love, and probably won't.... at least not for the time being, that much is definite.
FILIA
Think "Philadelphia", the city of brotherly love. Filia is the love between friends and family members, the one that drives interactions between the people you see and know. This is probably the love most of us know and feel on a daily basis; the hug from your friend, a smile, someone inviting and making you dinner, there are endless ways in which to express this love. It is the concern someone shows when you have a frown, the encouragement one receives when afraid, the kindness and loyalty of friends. This is my favorite level of love! As a girl, it's really amazing to be able to have this type of love for others; it's especially helpful when you realize that you're the only female in a group of 4-5 people standing in a hallway and you KNOW that the friend zone is that love. Does that even make sense? It sounded better in my head, let me try again. Guys and gals, this is the love of the friends-zone, the love between family members.
AGAPE
This level of love is the self-sacrificing love. The love of mother and/or father to a child, the love between husband and wife (or just spouses... gotta be all proper and inoffensive nowadays) and the love God has for us. This is the level of love each of us should strive for, I know I do (especially since I have a teeny tiny desire to adopt children). You want to make someone else happy and feel loved? Ask them what you can do for them, you have no idea how appreciative the person will be; especially if you're willing to sacrifice your time for them. (Well, the reaction will depend on the person's personality, but that's another blog subject. Hahaha!) Yeah, you could go study for that midterm, or you could go hang out with a friend you haven't seen in a while and make their day by giving them cupcakes and a hug. Okay, maybe that was a little extreme, but I hope you get my point. This is known as the most rewarding type of love, for both the giver and recipient.
As I mentioned earlier, I'm definitely a giver of filia, and am bordering agape.
So why did I decide to blog about love? Because it's a subject that permeates the relationships I have (and I don't mean dating, I mean like friendships and family). Also, I've always thought about the different kinds of love I give to others, and this is something I've been talking and thinking about since I was 12 or 13, which is roughly 7 years ago.
This is something I think about when I want (or do say) "I love you." As the Snow Patrol song says "Those three words are said too much", this is true but one must always think about which type of love we mean. Or in my case, I would only say it when I really meant it, which I don't advise in doing. Then people think you don't love them all that much or even like them, not a fun place to be now that I think about it.
So the next time someone says "I love you.", you could be witty and say "In what way?" Love, it definitely keeps our world together. Now if we could just find a way in which to differentiate between the loves in English.
Have any thoughts? Share them in a comment! :)
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Friday, October 7, 2011
Friendships, Part 1
Recently, as in about a week ago, a friend asked me what I wanted out of my college experience. (Yes I know you're going to read this.) In all honesty, I've never actually stopped to think about this, and since my 3rd year of undergraduate studies has just begun it's probably something I should be assessing (amongst other things).
In a span of about 30 minutes (maybe more, I wasn't checking the time) I could only come up with one thing: Deep and Meaningful FRIENDSHIPS.
Deep and Meaningful
I'm sure each and every one of us wants to relate to one other person, it's an innate feeling. A gut feeling. Ever hear of the saying "People need people."? You probably have.
As children, we have our circle or group of friends, and we have some best friends. We are taught to get along with others and be nice to each person. You probably have some fond childhood memories: the time you and your "bestie" went down the dirt hill on cardboard, sitting on the swings with some friends, playing with earthworms! Okay, maybe not the last one, but you probably have at least one in your memory, it's there. Then, we get to middle school, this is when we begin to find new friends, perhaps leaving old ones behind. Or maybe you move to a new school, or maybe you're blessed to be with the same people in all your classes and you all get along well. Whatever the case may be, somehow some of us tighten our circle and some expand it. For me, the circle changed big time; not only did I have to make new friends in 5th grade after moving but I also had to leave behind old friends, never to hear from them ever again.
Throughout middle school, there are petty fights (I remember them), girls starting chasing boys and some boys start to notice the changes in the girls (there's some funny stories with that), then before you know it, your friends have a "boyfriend" and they think you're weird because you don't want one. You might recall this as the time when some friendships got stronger while others began to weaken, and possibly "died" by the end of 8th grade. At the same time, new friends were made and other friends who left would forever be remembered. This was highly likely a transition period for some, I know it was for me, because once 8th grade ends, some of your friends attend a different high school because of where he or she lives. Blast those horrible district lines!
High school. Cliques. I have fond memories of high school, and the good and bad times I had with friends. I remember the plans we all had at the beginning of freshmen year, what we would do the summer after we graduated, the times we would spend together before we went to college. You probably did (or do) too. Maybe you were blessed enough to be able to follow through on those plans, and hopefully you maintained a majority of the friendships you started in middle and maybe even elementary school. If you were not, then just think about how many others have gone to the same situation as you, did you become more friendly? Or did you prefer to be reserved and alone? Either way, there are others just like you.
Here again, you might have remained friends with the same people, maybe you each branched out and formed a group of friends that were both old and new. Or maybe you only made new friends; maybe you closed the circle of friends. Whatever your case may have been, you probably realized that some of the rough times you went through, you probably have a friend to thank for helping you. Maybe you are the friend that everyone went to advice, maybe you were the one seeking advice, maybe you were the one that made everyone laugh and smile, maybe you were the one who was considered the prettiest, maybe the flirter, maybe the crazy one! Whatever your "role" was in your circle of friends, each one of you had a purpose and a reason to be in each others lives. Those friendships, when you look back at them, had MEANING in your life, at that moment it was right.
But, if your friends and friendships were like mine, somehow once senior year ended and you graduated... as time went on, it seemed like each person had different interests, you still hang out, but it doesn't feel the same. College or work has changed your schedule, you and your friends try to find a time to meet up, but can hardly find such a time. The deepness, how well you knew each other, begins to fade away, but the meaning and memories will never leave you. Those friendships helped shape whom you became as you grew up into the world of adulthood; more power to you if you can still feel that depth in your friendships the older you get!
If you're still reading, please bear with me! I swear I'm almost done.
"You'll meet your true life-long friends in college." I've heard that from several people of varying ages, but all were already in a career. You've probably heard it too; but did you ever stop to think about the truth of that statement? It certainly is disheartening, but at the same time it's exciting because you'll find people who have a very similar or very different life path to yours. The "secret" is not comparing your paths, but in understanding them; once you attempt to understand, and hopefully succeed, there is the new bond of friendship. That is when you find a new deepness, and as you journey through college and beyond together while learning to understand each other, that is when you find the friendship and companionship you've been destined to find. These are the friends I want. The ones with a path similar to mine, we will understand and face the same struggles. The ones with a different path, you will teach me something new of the world, I will teach you something of a world you've probably never seen. The ones who have a set plan for the rest of their lives, maybe we learn new strengths and strategies. The ones who are unsure, maybe I can help guide you. The ones who are clearly afraid, the ones who fear nothing, the ones who are headstrong, the ones who are stepped on, the native-born, the immigrants, the refugees. This variety of people, those are the ones who I want to forge a strong friendship with, we will learn from each other, and will hopefully look back in years to come and realize how we've grown, how we've achieved our goals..... those are the deep and meaningful friendships I want. I hope you want them too.
Is this something you want? If so, who do you want to be-friend? Have you experienced this desire and fulfilled it?
In a span of about 30 minutes (maybe more, I wasn't checking the time) I could only come up with one thing: Deep and Meaningful FRIENDSHIPS.
Deep and Meaningful
I'm sure each and every one of us wants to relate to one other person, it's an innate feeling. A gut feeling. Ever hear of the saying "People need people."? You probably have.
As children, we have our circle or group of friends, and we have some best friends. We are taught to get along with others and be nice to each person. You probably have some fond childhood memories: the time you and your "bestie" went down the dirt hill on cardboard, sitting on the swings with some friends, playing with earthworms! Okay, maybe not the last one, but you probably have at least one in your memory, it's there. Then, we get to middle school, this is when we begin to find new friends, perhaps leaving old ones behind. Or maybe you move to a new school, or maybe you're blessed to be with the same people in all your classes and you all get along well. Whatever the case may be, somehow some of us tighten our circle and some expand it. For me, the circle changed big time; not only did I have to make new friends in 5th grade after moving but I also had to leave behind old friends, never to hear from them ever again.
Throughout middle school, there are petty fights (I remember them), girls starting chasing boys and some boys start to notice the changes in the girls (there's some funny stories with that), then before you know it, your friends have a "boyfriend" and they think you're weird because you don't want one. You might recall this as the time when some friendships got stronger while others began to weaken, and possibly "died" by the end of 8th grade. At the same time, new friends were made and other friends who left would forever be remembered. This was highly likely a transition period for some, I know it was for me, because once 8th grade ends, some of your friends attend a different high school because of where he or she lives. Blast those horrible district lines!
High school. Cliques. I have fond memories of high school, and the good and bad times I had with friends. I remember the plans we all had at the beginning of freshmen year, what we would do the summer after we graduated, the times we would spend together before we went to college. You probably did (or do) too. Maybe you were blessed enough to be able to follow through on those plans, and hopefully you maintained a majority of the friendships you started in middle and maybe even elementary school. If you were not, then just think about how many others have gone to the same situation as you, did you become more friendly? Or did you prefer to be reserved and alone? Either way, there are others just like you.
Here again, you might have remained friends with the same people, maybe you each branched out and formed a group of friends that were both old and new. Or maybe you only made new friends; maybe you closed the circle of friends. Whatever your case may have been, you probably realized that some of the rough times you went through, you probably have a friend to thank for helping you. Maybe you are the friend that everyone went to advice, maybe you were the one seeking advice, maybe you were the one that made everyone laugh and smile, maybe you were the one who was considered the prettiest, maybe the flirter, maybe the crazy one! Whatever your "role" was in your circle of friends, each one of you had a purpose and a reason to be in each others lives. Those friendships, when you look back at them, had MEANING in your life, at that moment it was right.
But, if your friends and friendships were like mine, somehow once senior year ended and you graduated... as time went on, it seemed like each person had different interests, you still hang out, but it doesn't feel the same. College or work has changed your schedule, you and your friends try to find a time to meet up, but can hardly find such a time. The deepness, how well you knew each other, begins to fade away, but the meaning and memories will never leave you. Those friendships helped shape whom you became as you grew up into the world of adulthood; more power to you if you can still feel that depth in your friendships the older you get!
If you're still reading, please bear with me! I swear I'm almost done.
"You'll meet your true life-long friends in college." I've heard that from several people of varying ages, but all were already in a career. You've probably heard it too; but did you ever stop to think about the truth of that statement? It certainly is disheartening, but at the same time it's exciting because you'll find people who have a very similar or very different life path to yours. The "secret" is not comparing your paths, but in understanding them; once you attempt to understand, and hopefully succeed, there is the new bond of friendship. That is when you find a new deepness, and as you journey through college and beyond together while learning to understand each other, that is when you find the friendship and companionship you've been destined to find. These are the friends I want. The ones with a path similar to mine, we will understand and face the same struggles. The ones with a different path, you will teach me something new of the world, I will teach you something of a world you've probably never seen. The ones who have a set plan for the rest of their lives, maybe we learn new strengths and strategies. The ones who are unsure, maybe I can help guide you. The ones who are clearly afraid, the ones who fear nothing, the ones who are headstrong, the ones who are stepped on, the native-born, the immigrants, the refugees. This variety of people, those are the ones who I want to forge a strong friendship with, we will learn from each other, and will hopefully look back in years to come and realize how we've grown, how we've achieved our goals..... those are the deep and meaningful friendships I want. I hope you want them too.
Is this something you want? If so, who do you want to be-friend? Have you experienced this desire and fulfilled it?
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