Cutting, Suicide, and Pain

Over the past few weeks, I've spent some of my "free time" reading posts on the DeviantArt Secret page. I noticed many of the secrets were about the contemplation of suicide and of cutting and that made me think about how my life had been up to this point and about the people who have been a part of my life.

 One thing I want to put out there, I'm now 20 and I think my life is great. But I didn't always feel this way, between the ages of 13 and 14 I went through a period of a deep sadness. I never cut, but I did think about suicide sometimes. [To the Secret Tellers on dA: I hope one day you look back like I have done, and realize what you could have missed out on had you decided to end it all.]I think the feeling intensified right after an online friend of mine from RuneScape decided to take his own life. I never met him, and probably never would have, but that didn't stop me from feeling sad.

But that's not all that I thought of.

I realized that suicide rates are fairly high amongst teenagers. Why? First of all, the time from when we hit puberty until about the mid-20s are quite possibly some of the most trying times for all of us as people. Our bodies begin to change through hormonal cascades and we begin to notices changes in the bodies of others. Each one of us begins to feel the pressure of questions such as: "What am I going to do with the rest of my life?", "Who do I want to be?". (Or one could not, that's also possible.) Societal pressure seems to increase tenfold; as teenagers we wanted to be treated as adults, but we're still viewed as kids. The world becomes this GIANT, SCARY MONSTER! So what does all of this have to do with suicide? Well, while there is the biological changes there are also psychological changes. As I said earlier, these are difficult times for each one of us; this is when one begins to probably feel alone. As if no one else in the world understands what YOU are going through, not your parents, not your best friend, no one. Okay, got it? No matter how hard you try, no one else UNDERSTANDS. That is the mentality many of us had (or still have). If you didn't, then more power to ya!

This "alone" mentality is very powerful. It envelops all thinking and leaves very little room for hope. The alone mentality also makes one think that the PAIN you feel, no one else could possibly UNDERSTAND, no one else can possibly feel the same way you feel. But, the truth is someone else DOES understand. The pain that you're feeling, someone else has most likely gone through it. Someone else out there probably does feel the same way you feel. There is no need to feel like you're going through this life alone. Someone somewhere has gone through a situation almost exactly, or very similarly, to yours.

Well, that's fine and dandy. But what does this have to do with suicide and cutting?

Pain. Each of us feels it, experiences it, and it's highly likely you dislike it. And just reading the word itself probably made you feel it or remember a time when that's what you felt. I bring this word up because I believe it is THE main reason for both acts.

I've come to the conclusion that some people cut because they feel better afterward. Surely physical pain doesn't feel great, so why would anyone in their right mind purposefully inflict pain on his or herself? Because the emotional baggage hurts more than the physical act. At least that's what I've gathered from different reading materials and testimonies from friends. EMOTIONAL PAIN, that is what hurts more than the physical pain. How can this be? Emotions are a part of being human. They set us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom.

I reached another thought, the one that spurred me write this blog. I've lived in the United States of America (in the Southwest to be more specific) all my life and the mentioning of sadness or loneliness or unhappiness is practically taboo. It's almost never mentioned; unless you talk to people in the field of psychology and psychiatry. As a society, I feel like we're never told that it's OKAY to feel sad, it's OKAY to feel a little lonely sometimes, it's OKAY to be unhappy. That those feelings are NORMAL, you're not a freak, you're not odd; of course they are normal to an extent, but that is a subject for another time. By cutting you are not showing how "tough" or strong you are, because it won't ever take away the larger reason for the pain. It's like putting a band-aid on a snake bite, it won't be helpful for very long. That same line of thinking, I believe, can be applied to suicide; you'll never know just how STRONG you will be when you walk out of the fire.

So, dear reader, what I really wanted to say with all of that is:

1. The loneliness you feel, the hopelessness you feel, the sadness, the pain, each person has felt that. It is a normal part of growing as a person, it is a normal part of being human. 
2. Whether you want to believe it or not, someone out there cares about YOUR life. And you probably care about someone else's life. (It's why we have friends, right?)
3. "You're braver than you think."

"If we knew each others' secrets, what comforts we should find."~John Churton Collins

As this is my first blog, any constructive criticisms are welcomed as are your thoughts in response to what has been said.