Synonymns?

Something has been on my mind lately, although I ignored it this past weekend for personal reasons. Now it's back again.

It's related to the words: fair, justice, equality, peace.

I know fair and just have been used interchangeably, probably a lot. And you've probably noticed that too, but is the fair thing also a just thing?

 Are equality, justice, and fairness the same? I don't think they are, but I'm not exactly sure why. That's probably why this has been on my mind.

Also, peace is somehow related to fairness, equality, and justice. I've heard some people say that what is just does not always give peace, but I've also heard of an example of peace without justice. The example in question was the peaceful living in the South while slavery existed. That was not fair, it was not just, and there was definitely a lack of equality.

If the four words are related, then how do they work together to keep our society afloat?

Here are the definitions, from http://oxforddictionaries.com/  :
Fair: 1.treating people equally without favouritism or discrimination

Just: based on or behaving according to what is morally right and fair

Justice: just behaviour or treatment

Equal: 1. being the same in quantity, size, degree, or value: 

•  (of people) having the same status, rights, or opportunities
• uniform in application or effect; without discrimination on any grounds

Equality: the state of being equal, especially in status, rights, or opportunities  

Peace: 1.freedom from disturbance; tranquillity


What do you think? I'm still trying to figure it out. Maybe I'll get an answer someday.
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Added June 7, 2012

I've decided on something in regards to this topic.

What is just will give an equal opportunity, but not necessarily equal results. Equal results is equality, but not necessarily just. Fairness may result from equal opportunity, but not always. Peace comes from justice, which is not exactly fair.

What is Beauty?

"100% Natural Beauty"

"[I'm wearing] my plain, not beautiful, just normal, no make-up on face."-Victoria Jurgen, protagonist of Cecil Castellucci's Boyproof

I have those words written on two separate shirts. One I no longer wear, and the other I do. Lately I've found myself contemplating the definition of beauty. It's almost an elusive definition that seems to change with time. Here are a few examples: a child can have beautiful eyes or hair, a dress can be beautiful, a woman can look beautiful, a man can look beautiful, a horse can be beautiful, a mountain can be beautiful. But how do we determine that? 

To understand why I'm contemplating beauty, we must go back about three weeks when I got a phone call. Usually I let a call from an unknown number go to voicemail, but for some odd reason I actually answered this call, on the other end I heard a young woman. She was a Mary Kay consultant and got my number from a friend of mine, she wanted to know if I was interested in getting a facial or trying some MK products. The call got me completely off guard! I answered honestly and told her I was not interested in any of her products or services but wished her luck in getting other customers, thankfully she took my answer graciously. The friend she got my number from, well, she's very different from me. While I try to not look especially appealing she always dresses very nicely and does her hair and make-up. Which I guess is cool, if that's what she wants to do.

For the remainder of the week I kept asking myself: "Why do girls and women think and feel that they must wear make-up in order to look beautiful? Who decides the beauty standard? Does the beauty standard change with time? Has it changed within my lifetime?" I've only answered some of my questions.

I could come up with some reasons, some of which I've heard my own friends say:

• It makes me feel good.
• I'm not trying to impress anyone, I'm doing it for myself.
• I look better with make-up on.
• It makes me stand out!

What reasons have you heard from those around you? What is your reason?

I think the standard of beauty has changed. Just looking back at history, the Egyptians had standards different than say the English (even if separated by centuries) while the different native peoples of the Americas had differing definitions of beautiful. And I suppose it has changed within my lifetime, although I haven't really paid attention to it.

I also asked another friend of mine, we hold some of the same beliefs, so maybe it wasn't such a great idea, but here's our conversation (via text message):

Me: So I've been thinking..... Why do some girls that and feel that wearing make-up is the only way they can feel beautiful? Like, is it because it makes them definitely appear like girls of women?
Friend: Because society tells them so.

Me: and one reason they give is so they feel beautiful, not trying to impress others. And I'm like "What does that mean?" How can you not feel beautiful with the face you were born with? And who decides what IS beauty? And do the standards of beauty change with time? Sometimes they do, but why the change? And can that happen after one generation? And that brings up another point: Wearing vibrant color make-up to stand out from everyone else. Like Victoria "Egg" from Boyproof or Kyra Sellers from The Astonishing Adventures of Fanboy and Goth Girl and Goth Girl Rising. 

Friend: Easily. I've never liked my face, but I don't wear make-up because I know if I start I won't be able to stop. I think the standard of beauty changes all the time. Look at Gaga, in the 50s she would have been considered a freak. In the Middle Ages they would have burned her at the stake, but today girls want to be like her.
Me: But she's still considered a freak.
Friend: Using fashion to stand out makes sense especially in L.A. where there are so many people no one feels special.

Me: Ugh! Stupid call from the Mary Kay consultant that got me started thinking about this. 

Friend: Not by the people that try to look like her [Gaga] at raves and concerts.

Me: True, but is her style redefining beauty or will it just be a fad?

Friend: Idk, I think about it all the time. Was talking to other friend* about it. Good question.

Me: Well, I think about it every few months or so. But I've been spending a lot more time thinking about hte ways of the world recently... and that cal just triggered all the things I'd thought about before. And in some ways, it makes me feel.... I guess superior because I know I don't need to look pretty to impress others. I don't know. Like, it's something that I think is really cool about you, because you can appreciate pretty people, but you're also not trying hard to conform to the standards of beauty because you've got wit and brains working for you.

Friend: Yeah, the way I described our group when I was talking to her about us was that we place our definition of ourselves as people higher than our definition of us being women.
Me: What did she say about that?

Friend: She was mad about the make-up thing 'cause she was wearing gold eyeshadow. 

Me: At least she didn't do the classic blue eyeshadow and red lipstick combo. Which in my mind, can only look good on Tim Curry from now on. 

Friend: Yeah, I saw this girl on the bus with caked on make-up that looked like a mask of perfection and I was like "How early did she wake up to have to do that? How much money does she spend on it?" And then the other day these girls at the bus stop were talking and one said "Yeah, I had ten off coupon, but I had to spend at least $60." I was like "Daaayyuum!"
Friend: And even worse. I think that girls do it to get guys and when that's the case I just see it as false advertising. That's not what they're going to be waking up to in the morning...

As you can see, we both wonder what goes on in people's heads sometimes.

So me and make-up... well we don't get along very well. I choose not to use it for various reasons, but they include cost, consequences, and the fact that appearance can sometimes be wrong.

What about you, reader? What do you think of beauty? How do you define it and why is that your definition? Have you ever thought about this before? You can place your responses as a comment, and I'm really interested in what you have to say.


Added May 28, 2012:

After publishing this, I decided to watch Howl's Moving Castle, and something really stayed in my mind. Howl actually says "There is no point in living if I can't be beautiful." When I wrote this, I was thinking of standards of beauty for women, but after that I started wondering if men and boys felt some kind of similar pressure. So male readers, what do you think? What's your experience? Do you think there is some kind of standard men live up to?

Lessons Learned: Whining

A few minutes ago, I helped coax a cat off our roof with the help of my housemate and her boyfriend. His name is Wallace, and adorable orange tabby short-hair. Since our front door was open he ran into the house and proceeded to go upstairs into my other housemate's room. Her room was the only open door upstairs. I then caught him and placed him back outside, since she claims to be allergic. Our little trio of rescuers went back outside to play with Wallace, and my housemate opened the door and the cat ran back upstairs again. Once more I went to get Wallace from the housemate's room.

So why am I starting this post with the story of a cat? Especially of a cat with a name like Wallace who "likes the outdoors and thick women." Well, because I learned something about the human condition once again. Something I've observed on different occasions, but sometimes forget. Strangely, I get reminded of the beautiful side of humanity from those deemed by our society as "the scum of the Earth"; this is to say the houseless, the poor, the wanderers, and the drug users. It's the people of "normal" society that show me the ugly side. Back to the cat story, this housemate proceeded to be angry about a cat running around our apartment because she's allergic. She also wanted to hurt the cat. Normally, I don't mind if people get angry about an animal being around, they can if they want. After all, the person only hurts their health with anger. However, what does get me irritated is when they sound like a whiny child, and even more when it's a tone used often.

So why do whiny tones irritate me? I think part of it is because I quickly learned that whining never got me anything. Whining was looked down on within my extended family structure, which is not to say it didn't happen. I probably did whine and complain about a few things in my childhood, but that never resolved anything for me. In more recent years, I found myself befriend girls who liked to whine and complain about everything. I also found myself surrounded by girls who used their whiny voices to get others to do something for them. This probably has something to do with the concept of protecting the weak, and whiny in the natural world means weak. Only in the human world does whiny and weak get special attention, in the realm outside of human touch the weak are left to die. All this whining got to the point where I explicitly had to tell children and adolescents that speaking to me like that would never work, once they calmed down they were to ask for what they wanted in a more conversational tone. Not pleading, not begging, not whining, just asking.

Back to those in the "scum of the Earth" category. Never have I had the experience of whining from someone like that. Do they tell you their past? Yes, but to me it always seemed like they just wanted to tell someone their past so the  present could be better understood. But what about beggars you say? They are usually in search of the basic human needs: food, warmth, and compassion (also known as the human touch). Next time you see someone who you would usually classify as this category, stop and maybe talk to them for a bit. You'll be surprised at how open some are, in some cases they just wanted someone to ask them how they have been dealing with their life. Often, you'll find they are rather resourceful people, but this is not always the case.

The event of tonight, unfortunately, reminded me of why I started disliking, to the point of hating, humankind. Why I began avoiding others of my age, especially females, and why animals became my best friends; along with books and art supplies.
                                                                                                                                                                   
I wrote that about a week ago, and stopped myself from publishing it. I opted to sleep and think whether publishing was worth it or not. I came to the conclusion that this was a form of whining, and felt guilty. But it also served as a reminder of what I dislike about myself and others. Still, I think this was important and have decided to publish after all.

Hasta Luego

A friend of mine is currently volunteering in Bolivia and will return this summer. In one of her blogs she mentioned a difference on saying "Farewell". I had noticed this difference between Spanish speaking people and English speaking people, but it's become more apparent recently.

My first language is Spanish, and very few people say the English equivalent for "Goodbye", "adiós". From what I've observed and learned from outside sources, adios is used more for final goodbyes. I guess you could say it's reserved for funerals, hence the phrases "La última despedida" and "El último adiós." You won't see the person ever again, at least not physically alive.

The preferred phrase is "Hasta luego", it literally means "see you later". There are variations with the same meaning, for example my family uses "Ahi nos vemos", it means "We'll see you [there]." Ahi nos vemos is mostly used when talking to the actual person, whereas hasta luego is used when ending a phone call.

Once I learned English and began "English only" in 4th grade I would still say "See you later" instead of "Bye!" to friends. It probably struck people as odd, after all my English sounds "perfect". (Or so I've been told. Once others find out Spanish is actually my first language they're really shocked because of the unaccented English, but I digress.) When I started middle school, and gained new friends, I don't think anyone was really all that surprised about my preference of "See you later!" My friends started saying that instead of "bye", except when talking on the phone.

Phone conversations are the most interesting for me, whether in English or in Spanish I always end with the appropriate "hasta luego!" I never say "bye", and it throws people off. It's quite amusing because some have gotten angry because I don't say good-bye, but it's too strange. For me, saying "good-bye" is like saying I'll never see the person again because they're dead.

The reason I'll never say good-bye: I'm going to see you again, I don't know where or when or how, but we'll cross paths again. Perhaps it will be in a few hours, perhaps tomorrow, next week, or next month; or maybe it will take years. Maybe even in the afterlife! But we'll see each other again. Por eso te digo, hasta luego, see you later!

Who I am and Who I am Not

For the past week I've spent a lot of time thinking about the friends I have, have had, and will have. It's something interesting to think about because there has been such a difference between the types of people I hang around with during different stages in my life. This also reminded me of some quotes I've read and heard while growing up.

"Dime con quien andas y te dire quien eres."
Translated this means "Tell me who you're with and I'll tell you who you are." It has different variants, one of my personal favorites being "Run with the dogs and you'll catch fleas." No one can deny that the people around them have some degree of influence of the behaviour, thoughts, and words of one. That, I believe, is the heart of this quote. And by that quote I would be a variety of things, they include but are not limited to:

• I would drink a substantial amount of alcohol every week
• I would smoke weed almost every night
• I would watch a lot of anime and read tons of manga
• I would attend a concert at least 3 times a year
• I would have a boyfriend
• I would have at least 2-exboyfriends
• I would hate a lot people
• I would be living at home with my parents, either attending the local college or working
• I would be in a sorority
• I would attend some party-like event on a regular basis

Now, I'm not saying that any of the above are necessarily bad (okay, the first two probably are), but that if people judged me by the type of people I hung out with, they'd think I was the worst person in the world. They'd never let their children (or themselves) near me. One would probably think "That's so horrible! Why would anyone think you were that?" after really getting to know me, but the sad truth is that many of us are judged because we are found with the "wrong" people and because of the "first impressions are everything" mentality very few people ever care to change their view of us.

This quote leads me to the other phrase that's been on my mind: "You are the average of the 5 people you spend time with the most." Again, you can add up the bullet points mentioned above and realize I would be.... well I don't know what your opinion of me would be, but it's possible it would not be a very good one.

BUT do not despair for there is hope! Something I only started noticing a few weeks ago was just how accepting I was, am, of people. I'm trying to hard to find at least one thing I like about another person, which is very helpful when meeting someone who you think is detestable at first glance. One other thing that really helps is to just think about behaviours you do not like as something that is a PART of the person, which is to say you like the whole and just allow the person to change that trait if they wish.

Finding the Peace of God in Stressful Times

Wow! First of all, I just finished studying/reviewing/ re-writing my notes for a class about 10 minutes ago. I started around noon, and yesterday I did that from 3pm to about midnight. I crammed about 4 weeks worth of material into two days, not the best thing to be proud of, but I digress.

I feel like a month has gone by since I last made a post, even though it's only been one week. I also feel the stress on my shoulders and neck, ow. Anyway, the reason it feels like it's been a month is because the past two weeks have just been a bit of a roller coaster for me. I think everyone goes through a few of those times, it's just a part of life. I've received good news and bad news on the same day and the week before I had finally been told what certain people were saying about me. But that's not important. And I was not sleeping well, some nights I would go to sleep very late and wake up early or go to sleep late and wake up a few hours later and have some difficulty falling asleep again (I do believe that classifies as stress-induced insomnia). Needless to say, I was very exhausted both emotionally and physically.

Again, I digress. During those two weeks it became very hard for me to find God in my life, and to just trust Him to guide me through that. But I did eventually just give in, and lo! The greatest feeling! In one night, when I just decided to let go... wow, I never felt so peaceful before then. Sure there were some tears, but man oh man did it feel great to know that even though I couldn't handle everything on my own, God would be helping me carry the load. Like many before me, and plenty after, I often feel like I can control everything in my life, it's under MY control. I'm unstoppable, I am capable of anything and everything. But see? That was my problem, I had forgotten I had limits. The human body can only go for so long with insomnia-like symptoms, and despite my ability to handle my emotions very well....... I was very vulnerable at the time and got hit hard!

It only took one person to tell me that I looked exhausted to make me realize it was time to reconnect with God. I'm really thankful to the two friends who reminded me that I don't have to carry my burdens all by myself, God was there to help me, I only had to ask him. It was very humbling. Even Wonder Woman prayed to the goddesses! (Well, really she would pray to Hera, even though the statue in the temple of her home planet/country is of Athena.)

So, next time you feel hopeless and think your burdens are too much, I suggest you just say something along the lines of "God (or whatever/whichever deity you choose to worship), I can't do this alone anymore. Help." It really is that simple, but it's not easy. Then again, things that are easy usually aren't all that worth the effort. You'd be surprised how LIBERATED you feel afterward. :)

The Influence of Books, Part 1: Le Morte d'Arthur

As I was writing a post for my other blog (Letters to Nemo) I realized that one of the books I read as a young adolescent influenced my thoughts on relationships and men. That book was Sir Arthur Malory's Le Morte d'Arthur. It's a collection of stories of the Knights of the Round Table, so King Arthur's Knights.

"Knights you say? Pish posh!" True, some people think knights are stuff for legends and stories, something to tell children, or for studying history, but I can tell you that the knights still influence the way I think about the relationships between men and women.

The Knights had a Code of Chivalry which still influences the way gentlemen behave, and for me it helps me decide whom I refer to "sir" when I speak with someone close to my age. Strangely, I also call other women "sir", but that's a topic for a different time. I attempt to emulate some of the parts of the code, which I know makes others get really confused because it seems like I'm acting "too manly". I think that's unfortunate because if many more followed the Code then the world would probably be a much better place. (Okay, maybe I'm an idealist, but I can hope, right?)

So what does the Code have to do with relationships? EVERYTHING! Thus I choose live by that code, but some tell me that my standards for men are too high. I have only one thing to say about that: no my standard is not too high, I would much rather be by myself than be with someone who can't even treat another person as a human being and instead chooses to treats others at something. If I'm meant to live the remainder of my life with someone, then I hope it's someone who can hold himself accountable and is willing to do all the things possible to keep the marriage intact.

Le Morte d'Arthur taught me that at some point men were brave and responsible, they knew that they had a family to take care of and they would never let anyone bring dishonor to their family. True, there is some scandalous parts to the book, like the relationship between Lancelot and Guinevere, but the main part was that honor and character should never be compromised or else nothing else in life will ever matter.