Who I am and Who I am Not

For the past week I've spent a lot of time thinking about the friends I have, have had, and will have. It's something interesting to think about because there has been such a difference between the types of people I hang around with during different stages in my life. This also reminded me of some quotes I've read and heard while growing up.

"Dime con quien andas y te dire quien eres."
Translated this means "Tell me who you're with and I'll tell you who you are." It has different variants, one of my personal favorites being "Run with the dogs and you'll catch fleas." No one can deny that the people around them have some degree of influence of the behaviour, thoughts, and words of one. That, I believe, is the heart of this quote. And by that quote I would be a variety of things, they include but are not limited to:

• I would drink a substantial amount of alcohol every week
• I would smoke weed almost every night
• I would watch a lot of anime and read tons of manga
• I would attend a concert at least 3 times a year
• I would have a boyfriend
• I would have at least 2-exboyfriends
• I would hate a lot people
• I would be living at home with my parents, either attending the local college or working
• I would be in a sorority
• I would attend some party-like event on a regular basis

Now, I'm not saying that any of the above are necessarily bad (okay, the first two probably are), but that if people judged me by the type of people I hung out with, they'd think I was the worst person in the world. They'd never let their children (or themselves) near me. One would probably think "That's so horrible! Why would anyone think you were that?" after really getting to know me, but the sad truth is that many of us are judged because we are found with the "wrong" people and because of the "first impressions are everything" mentality very few people ever care to change their view of us.

This quote leads me to the other phrase that's been on my mind: "You are the average of the 5 people you spend time with the most." Again, you can add up the bullet points mentioned above and realize I would be.... well I don't know what your opinion of me would be, but it's possible it would not be a very good one.

BUT do not despair for there is hope! Something I only started noticing a few weeks ago was just how accepting I was, am, of people. I'm trying to hard to find at least one thing I like about another person, which is very helpful when meeting someone who you think is detestable at first glance. One other thing that really helps is to just think about behaviours you do not like as something that is a PART of the person, which is to say you like the whole and just allow the person to change that trait if they wish.

Finding the Peace of God in Stressful Times

Wow! First of all, I just finished studying/reviewing/ re-writing my notes for a class about 10 minutes ago. I started around noon, and yesterday I did that from 3pm to about midnight. I crammed about 4 weeks worth of material into two days, not the best thing to be proud of, but I digress.

I feel like a month has gone by since I last made a post, even though it's only been one week. I also feel the stress on my shoulders and neck, ow. Anyway, the reason it feels like it's been a month is because the past two weeks have just been a bit of a roller coaster for me. I think everyone goes through a few of those times, it's just a part of life. I've received good news and bad news on the same day and the week before I had finally been told what certain people were saying about me. But that's not important. And I was not sleeping well, some nights I would go to sleep very late and wake up early or go to sleep late and wake up a few hours later and have some difficulty falling asleep again (I do believe that classifies as stress-induced insomnia). Needless to say, I was very exhausted both emotionally and physically.

Again, I digress. During those two weeks it became very hard for me to find God in my life, and to just trust Him to guide me through that. But I did eventually just give in, and lo! The greatest feeling! In one night, when I just decided to let go... wow, I never felt so peaceful before then. Sure there were some tears, but man oh man did it feel great to know that even though I couldn't handle everything on my own, God would be helping me carry the load. Like many before me, and plenty after, I often feel like I can control everything in my life, it's under MY control. I'm unstoppable, I am capable of anything and everything. But see? That was my problem, I had forgotten I had limits. The human body can only go for so long with insomnia-like symptoms, and despite my ability to handle my emotions very well....... I was very vulnerable at the time and got hit hard!

It only took one person to tell me that I looked exhausted to make me realize it was time to reconnect with God. I'm really thankful to the two friends who reminded me that I don't have to carry my burdens all by myself, God was there to help me, I only had to ask him. It was very humbling. Even Wonder Woman prayed to the goddesses! (Well, really she would pray to Hera, even though the statue in the temple of her home planet/country is of Athena.)

So, next time you feel hopeless and think your burdens are too much, I suggest you just say something along the lines of "God (or whatever/whichever deity you choose to worship), I can't do this alone anymore. Help." It really is that simple, but it's not easy. Then again, things that are easy usually aren't all that worth the effort. You'd be surprised how LIBERATED you feel afterward. :)